Breaking the Mold: Community, Family, and Pride
During Pride Month, conversations about family, identity, and belonging are making headlines.
Recently, the Tennessee Governor declared June “Nuclear Family Month” in opposition to the community established Pride Month. The announcement sparked conversations about what families look like, who belongs, and how communities support one another. So what does “nuclear family” mean, and how does it relate to Pride?
Breaking the Mold
The nuclear family system is the stereotypical expectation for families in the US, with two cis gender parents (a mom and a dad), 2.5 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. But, like many stereotypes, this expectation is unrealistic and has been for the majority of US history. The adage, “It takes a village,” is frequently used to demonstrate the need for community support. This often comes from extended family members, religious communities, or other peer groups.
Beyond these communities, families are made of many different types of relations. Some families grow through adoption, fostering, or surrogacy and sometimes the two parent household falls apart for reasons beyond anyone’s control. Many of these households come together not due to biology or blood, but out of love and choosing each other. The same holds true for alternative or queer households.
While traditional two parent households will always have a place in US society, it is important that we all remember that it is not the “default” experience. This Pride Month, I encourage you to take a look around and both notice and celebrate the unique lives of individuals and families that make up your community.
Showing Up as a Community
The origins of U.S. Pride celebrations are often credited to the Stonewall riot in June of 1969. At this time, the queer community faced significant social barriers: discrimination, persecution, and backlash or disownment from their families of origin. The Stonewall Inn represented a place for the queer community to gather and express themselves with others who love them authentically. The riot that took place there was a turning point for the community as they joined forces to protect their community and push back against systematic discrimination.
This ability to band together, accept other marginalized individuals, and express themselves authentically is one of the things I admire most about the queer community. Even when facing ongoing political and legal challenges, the queer community finds ways to support each other through found families and community connections while continuing the fight to ensure rights for others and future generations.
However, even with political progress, LGBTQ+ individuals still experience increased mental health challenges compared to their peers, with evidence to suggest LGBTQ+ individuals are more than twice as likely as heterosexual men and women to have a mental health disorder in their lifetime and 28 percent of queer youth reporting experiencing homelessness or housing instability at some point in their lives. These youth are driven from their homes due to rejection of their identities, family dynamics or traditions, and often for their own safety. Without the support of their original family system, they struggle to survive and depend largely on the support of their community and the family they find within it.
Getting Some Extra Support
It can be challenging to ask for help when we need it, even from our loved ones. Additionally, when others come to us for support, it is not always easy to know what someone might need from us. One way that we can step up our communication is by asking about what kind of support they might need. One way to do this is with the three choice model: Help, Advice, or Listening.
The next time someone comes to you looking for support, try to take a moment to ask them:
“Are you wanting my help to fix this, looking for advice, or would you prefer I just listen?”
This allows them to communicate their needs and demonstrate your willingness to be with them in a way which feels best for them in the moment.
Despite all the benefits of existing within a found family or community system, it is still not always enough to combat chronic mental health struggles alone. If you or someone you know is struggling or could use additional support, please reach out and we will gladly get you connected to additional mental health services.
Pride Month is an opportunity to celebrate community, belonging, and authentic connection. Whether through family, friendships, neighbors, faith communities, or chosen family, supportive relationships play an important role in our wellbeing.
You are loved, and we are so glad you’re here. Happy Pride.
Sources
- Semlyen J, et al. “Sexual Orientation and Symptoms of Common Mental Disorder or Low Wellbeing: Combined Meta Analysis of 12 UK Population Health Surveys.” BMC Psychiatry. 2016.
- The Trevor Project. (2021). 2021 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health.